my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
