I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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