I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
