I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
