I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
