Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
