I think my vagina is haunted
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
