Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
