True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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