Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
