I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
ugly people sure do ruin things
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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