Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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