I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
