apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Houston, we have a blender
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
