Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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