the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
