guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The Olympian is in my bed
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
