chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
