Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
