We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
