Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
