Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Never joke about your clitoris.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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