i think my tv is drunk
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
