What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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