My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i believe in u and ur pee
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
