if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
