Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
