Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
