just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
