I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
