i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
