just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
