i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
wanna go halves on a baby?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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