so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
