Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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