There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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