I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
