i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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