i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
