I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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