My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
