How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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