He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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