I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
