thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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