you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
