I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's never too late to be topless.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
