Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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