if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
