Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
