I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
