You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
