He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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