beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
