After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
