Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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